I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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