I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize