proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
