why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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