If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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