I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
