they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
