my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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