i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
