Will you blow on my dice?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize