If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS