if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL