You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
