I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize