Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
