White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
