he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
