This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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