Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
