You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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