he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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