So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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