OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
