I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cockslap morals
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
