So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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