i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize