Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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