Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
