I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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