the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And then my night got REAL pukey
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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