I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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