If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
