she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
