Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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