I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
