im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
