She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
