Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
