how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize