i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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