I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
