I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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