I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
