Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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