I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
