Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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