i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
