im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
