Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
