Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
