bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
