Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
