Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
