id be glad to
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
