she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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