How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
