Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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