I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
