we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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