just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
