You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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