i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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