You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
