Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
