Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
