Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
