mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
