I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
