my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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