No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize