My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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