glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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