Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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