Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The air taste purple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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