she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
