If i come over, it means nothing
your thong is hanging out like whoa
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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