I want to stick my p in your. b.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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