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• (512): View more from Texas

  You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wrong number and your a loser

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  mom cant say that college never taught us math

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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• (253): View more from Washington

  That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  how was ur day?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.

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• (310): View more from California

  I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.

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• (619): View more from California

  After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?

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• (716): View more from New York

  it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Ok. That just sounds baller.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.

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