maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I came so hard my ears popped.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
