mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
