I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
