she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't motorboat a personality
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
