dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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