if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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