She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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