Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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